Our relationship is weird now. We still meet each other almost everyday. We still kiss everytime we meet. Don't get me wrong, i love seeing her again, and i love kissing her sweet, soft lips.
It was just the other day, we met up for high-tea. We sat and chat for some time, and after getting the bill, both of us had the need to visit the washroom. It wasn't planned on, i really needed to pee. When i'm done, Judy too just finished her business. i have no idea why, i went into the ladies, close the door & lock it behind me. i walked up to Judy, grab her waist and pushed her to the wall. We started kissing each other. It was so passionate i almost fainted. My hands were grabbing her firm E-cup breast, while letting her know my cock was hard from this. I move the other hand into her shorts, and start fingering her spot the way she liked it.
The sad part is, that's it. Nothing happened afterwards. Neither of us got naked. We did not had sex. No eating each other out. Probably because we were in a public toilet, mind you a ladies toilet. But most probably because deep down inside i know that Judy wanted to be a good girlfriend. She is attached now. Again and again i have mentioned that i don't want to screw up her happiness, but times and times again i did compromising stuffs together with her.
Did i do wrong? Does enjoying the company of each other made us cheating on our spouse? Is it OK if we kissed, does that made us bad people?
Jacob
Wednesday, 18 April 2012
Monday, 9 April 2012
Acceptance
i gave myself a time frame to get myself out from my pathetic state i was in for the past month or so. Yesterday was that day, and i am still adjusting myself. But i am glad that this day had finally came.
So what is different? i was practically moping over the fact that she is with someone else now. Someone who is more good looking. Someone who is more successful career wise. But most importantly, someone whom she can bring home to show her mom. Someone whom she can carry his name with. Someone who can gave her all the things she wanted that i could not. Every time i tried looking for her and she is with him, i would sulk, i would feel gloomy about it, i would dawdle around aimlessly, i would suddenly become this pathetic little fella which i, myself hate to see. Come this day, i have decided that i have to accept this fact. Why should i feel that way? If she is happy now, i should be too. Right?
What else is different? Nothing. Just that. Accepting the fact that she now has someone else and i should not bear grudge or hatred towards her. Instead i should feel happy for her, and wish her happiness. That is how much i love her. That is the least i could do, not to screw-up her happiness that is.
Does that mean i don't love her anymore? i can't stop loving her, well at least not for now. And if there is a next life, i would want her mine then too. But loving her at this moment also mean i should not screw things up with the new boyfriend. Got to stay some distance away. That may be best for the both of us. At least that will be the best for her.
Jacob
So what is different? i was practically moping over the fact that she is with someone else now. Someone who is more good looking. Someone who is more successful career wise. But most importantly, someone whom she can bring home to show her mom. Someone whom she can carry his name with. Someone who can gave her all the things she wanted that i could not. Every time i tried looking for her and she is with him, i would sulk, i would feel gloomy about it, i would dawdle around aimlessly, i would suddenly become this pathetic little fella which i, myself hate to see. Come this day, i have decided that i have to accept this fact. Why should i feel that way? If she is happy now, i should be too. Right?
What else is different? Nothing. Just that. Accepting the fact that she now has someone else and i should not bear grudge or hatred towards her. Instead i should feel happy for her, and wish her happiness. That is how much i love her. That is the least i could do, not to screw-up her happiness that is.
Does that mean i don't love her anymore? i can't stop loving her, well at least not for now. And if there is a next life, i would want her mine then too. But loving her at this moment also mean i should not screw things up with the new boyfriend. Got to stay some distance away. That may be best for the both of us. At least that will be the best for her.
Jacob
Friday, 6 April 2012
Good Friday?
Friday night and i'm alone in my room, feeling lonely and pathetic over myself. Am i really that bad? Don't i have friends i can find? Why am i being alone by myself tonight? What's wrong with me?
All sorts of crazy questions come to mind when you are down. I mean i'm almost rock-bottom down since the break-up, so i've been thinking lots of crazy shit for a couple weeks now. Emotional swing is the most prominent proof that i am not OK at all.
It's sad that this blog had become a place for me to vent out my frustration. This place was supposed to be a place to record all those good memories i had with Judy. And now what had it become? A pathetic emo blog. Maybe i should stop doing this. Maybe i should stay away. Maybe i should just let go. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.
Oh, how my heart longed for your comfort, how my body longed for your warmth, how my lips longed for your kiss. All too late now. Got to let do.
Jacob
All sorts of crazy questions come to mind when you are down. I mean i'm almost rock-bottom down since the break-up, so i've been thinking lots of crazy shit for a couple weeks now. Emotional swing is the most prominent proof that i am not OK at all.
It's sad that this blog had become a place for me to vent out my frustration. This place was supposed to be a place to record all those good memories i had with Judy. And now what had it become? A pathetic emo blog. Maybe i should stop doing this. Maybe i should stay away. Maybe i should just let go. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.
Oh, how my heart longed for your comfort, how my body longed for your warmth, how my lips longed for your kiss. All too late now. Got to let do.
Jacob
Monday, 2 April 2012
I'm the April's Fool
It's been a month since our breakup. It's been a most painful month. A month where i have to constantly wear a mask wherever i go to hide my despair, so that no one will ever know that i am hurting deep down inside, so that no one will find out the story of this forbidden love. i have got no one to talk to, i have got no one to share this feeling with. That's why i'm writing a post here, at least i know my head will not explode from over-thinking this problem.
It's been a month since our breakup. Which also means it's been a month since you're with him. Everytime this comes into picture, i lost all ability to think. My mind went blank for a moment, my vision blurred, my hands trembled, my heart went pounding. It feels almost like time went by too fast and i can't cope with it. All these feeling i cannot control over, but that doesn't mean i don't wish you happiness. i am truly happy that you have found your real happiness in a relationship. You have finally found someone who has a good career, who is quite good looking, someone everyone says is a good guy, someone you can bring home and show your mom, someone you can go out with and can be seen in public and introduced as your boyfriend. This is all what you wanted, so i'm truly happy for you to have own all these now.
It's been a month since our breakup. i'm not a better person as you would expect me to be. My temper flared more often, my patience level dropped drastically, i'm not as happy as i used to be, everything i see turns into a negative thing even though it is a happy scenario. But this is none of your business anymore. You can't do anything about it. In fact i don't want you to do anything about it. You have your own life now, so stick with it. i don't want to be the reason that screw up your happiness again.
Jacob
It's been a month since our breakup. Which also means it's been a month since you're with him. Everytime this comes into picture, i lost all ability to think. My mind went blank for a moment, my vision blurred, my hands trembled, my heart went pounding. It feels almost like time went by too fast and i can't cope with it. All these feeling i cannot control over, but that doesn't mean i don't wish you happiness. i am truly happy that you have found your real happiness in a relationship. You have finally found someone who has a good career, who is quite good looking, someone everyone says is a good guy, someone you can bring home and show your mom, someone you can go out with and can be seen in public and introduced as your boyfriend. This is all what you wanted, so i'm truly happy for you to have own all these now.
It's been a month since our breakup. i'm not a better person as you would expect me to be. My temper flared more often, my patience level dropped drastically, i'm not as happy as i used to be, everything i see turns into a negative thing even though it is a happy scenario. But this is none of your business anymore. You can't do anything about it. In fact i don't want you to do anything about it. You have your own life now, so stick with it. i don't want to be the reason that screw up your happiness again.
Jacob
Monday, 26 March 2012
The Thin Red Line
Some people told me, there is a thin red line in between love and hate. i disagree for most part of it. The opposite of love must not necessarily be hate. It is definitely not something good of course, but to hate, i don't think so.
That thin red line should be separating the feeling of love, and the feeling of a stranger. If you swing to one extreme, and you can't hold on when you are there, you will swing all the way to the other extreme of becoming strangers with each other. You don't know what to talk to her. You get pissed off easily by the slightest disagreement. Slowly you drift apart from her. And both of you, once in love so deeply with each other, become strangers again.
i think this feeling is worst than hate. Hating someone, you still have a tinge of feeling towards that person. You're probably hating that person because of some misunderstanding. The feeling of becoming strangers. That's it! You're done for! There will be no relation whatsoever in between the two of you anymore. Period. The end.
You always say, this breakup i've never shed a tear. That means i'm not that sad. Maybe you are right. Maybe you're wrong. But i can tell you, it hurt like hell deep inside of me. It feels like someone is squeezing my heart with his bare hands so it can't pump normally. It feels like there's cotton balls in my lung so i can't breathe properly. It feels like nails in my stomach so it stings every time i move. It sure hurt like hell, what i'm feeling inside. But no, there are no tear drops from my eyes.
Jacob
That thin red line should be separating the feeling of love, and the feeling of a stranger. If you swing to one extreme, and you can't hold on when you are there, you will swing all the way to the other extreme of becoming strangers with each other. You don't know what to talk to her. You get pissed off easily by the slightest disagreement. Slowly you drift apart from her. And both of you, once in love so deeply with each other, become strangers again.
i think this feeling is worst than hate. Hating someone, you still have a tinge of feeling towards that person. You're probably hating that person because of some misunderstanding. The feeling of becoming strangers. That's it! You're done for! There will be no relation whatsoever in between the two of you anymore. Period. The end.
You always say, this breakup i've never shed a tear. That means i'm not that sad. Maybe you are right. Maybe you're wrong. But i can tell you, it hurt like hell deep inside of me. It feels like someone is squeezing my heart with his bare hands so it can't pump normally. It feels like there's cotton balls in my lung so i can't breathe properly. It feels like nails in my stomach so it stings every time i move. It sure hurt like hell, what i'm feeling inside. But no, there are no tear drops from my eyes.
Jacob
Tuesday, 20 March 2012
Emotionally Attached
The past two weeks, my mood swing was like a ride on a roller coaster, only not as fun and twice as dreadful. i could flare out for no apparent reason at someone who is completely innocent or i could sit there the whole day with my face pulled so long it might have touched the floor.
After the breakup, things did not get any better. Only 3 weeks after that, Judy told me she has a new boyfriend now. i was furious, my brain felt kind of like a volcanic eruption, and a huge tsunami wave come crashing into my cerebellum. i could literally feel the heat at the back of my head when she told me. This news didn't help at all with the break-up. Being alone for a couple of days, i would think is it because of this new guy she broke up with me? Or is she just playing me? Or did i do something wrong? Or is she hiding something from me?
The more i think, the more i got myself worked-up, the more terrifying my mood became. i had no one to talk to about this, i had no where i could go, i have no idea at all what i can do. i felt like i was at the verge of a nervous breakdown.
Yesterday we talked about all the stuffs we never talked about for the past one and a half years being together. We talked about my wife. We talked about her new boyfriend. We talked about us. What had been and what would be of us. Only after a month of mental torturing myself with all the nonsensical questions, finally i could open up myself and talked to Judy properly.
This morning when i woke up, day light seems to be brighter, the bird's chirping seems so melodious. No more volcanic eruption. No more huge tsunami wave. No more mental torture. No more stress. i'm really glad we had the talk last night, i really wish you happiness in your life from here now onwards, for you deserve the best things in life. Yes, it hurts me to know that someone else will be taking care of you instead in my place, and someone else will be putting that beautiful smile on your face everyday, but it hurts me more to know if you are not living your life in the happiest manner.
You told me you needed someone who can take care of you when you are in trouble, someone you can bring home to show mom, someone whom you can marry and depend on for the rest of your life, someone who will love you more than anything else in the world. i know i am not able to do that for you. Now that he will be able to do this, i wish you all the best in life. But remember this, i will always be there for you, be it rain or shine, i will always be there for you. Keep our promises, not to vanish completely in each others life.
Jacob
After the breakup, things did not get any better. Only 3 weeks after that, Judy told me she has a new boyfriend now. i was furious, my brain felt kind of like a volcanic eruption, and a huge tsunami wave come crashing into my cerebellum. i could literally feel the heat at the back of my head when she told me. This news didn't help at all with the break-up. Being alone for a couple of days, i would think is it because of this new guy she broke up with me? Or is she just playing me? Or did i do something wrong? Or is she hiding something from me?
The more i think, the more i got myself worked-up, the more terrifying my mood became. i had no one to talk to about this, i had no where i could go, i have no idea at all what i can do. i felt like i was at the verge of a nervous breakdown.
Yesterday we talked about all the stuffs we never talked about for the past one and a half years being together. We talked about my wife. We talked about her new boyfriend. We talked about us. What had been and what would be of us. Only after a month of mental torturing myself with all the nonsensical questions, finally i could open up myself and talked to Judy properly.
This morning when i woke up, day light seems to be brighter, the bird's chirping seems so melodious. No more volcanic eruption. No more huge tsunami wave. No more mental torture. No more stress. i'm really glad we had the talk last night, i really wish you happiness in your life from here now onwards, for you deserve the best things in life. Yes, it hurts me to know that someone else will be taking care of you instead in my place, and someone else will be putting that beautiful smile on your face everyday, but it hurts me more to know if you are not living your life in the happiest manner.
You told me you needed someone who can take care of you when you are in trouble, someone you can bring home to show mom, someone whom you can marry and depend on for the rest of your life, someone who will love you more than anything else in the world. i know i am not able to do that for you. Now that he will be able to do this, i wish you all the best in life. But remember this, i will always be there for you, be it rain or shine, i will always be there for you. Keep our promises, not to vanish completely in each others life.
Jacob
Tuesday, 28 February 2012
The Break Up
Today was a dark day for me. Judy broke it up with me. i've been a complete idiot not seeing this coming my way. Why the break up? Not because of quarreling. Not because we are bored with each other. Not because things didn't go the right way.
We went out for lunch after i hadn't seen her for a whole week. i needed to see her desperately, i missed Judy so much. After having our meals, Judy started telling me how she felt our relationship is going. She can't accept to continue on our relationship once my baby is born. She doesn't want to be the reason i'm not a good father, not a good husband.
I saw tears flowing from her teary eyes. i could do nothing. i didn't want us to end, because i really loved Judy. Listening to her logic, i understand the need to. I've been really selfish all this while. I've left Judy feeling like a mistress. I left her crying alone many times at night. I wasn't there for her at all every single time she needed me. Judy told me all this, and i felt useless because i really had not realized how she felt at all. i've always thought that as long as we loved each other, that is enough. Obviously i've thought wrong. How i wish i could undo all the stupidity that i've done. If only i could manage our relationship in a more proper way. Then Judy would have more confidence in our relationship.
This is all my fault.
I told Judy i needed to spend one more intimate session with her before the final break up. The fact is i really don't want to do it anytime soon. Not because i don't want to, but because once we've done it, we're done for, and that will be the end of us. i will not be able to let go. i need more time to accept this inevitable fact, and when i know i'm ready to let go, then this intimate session will happen for one last time.
Jacob
We went out for lunch after i hadn't seen her for a whole week. i needed to see her desperately, i missed Judy so much. After having our meals, Judy started telling me how she felt our relationship is going. She can't accept to continue on our relationship once my baby is born. She doesn't want to be the reason i'm not a good father, not a good husband.
I saw tears flowing from her teary eyes. i could do nothing. i didn't want us to end, because i really loved Judy. Listening to her logic, i understand the need to. I've been really selfish all this while. I've left Judy feeling like a mistress. I left her crying alone many times at night. I wasn't there for her at all every single time she needed me. Judy told me all this, and i felt useless because i really had not realized how she felt at all. i've always thought that as long as we loved each other, that is enough. Obviously i've thought wrong. How i wish i could undo all the stupidity that i've done. If only i could manage our relationship in a more proper way. Then Judy would have more confidence in our relationship.
This is all my fault.
I told Judy i needed to spend one more intimate session with her before the final break up. The fact is i really don't want to do it anytime soon. Not because i don't want to, but because once we've done it, we're done for, and that will be the end of us. i will not be able to let go. i need more time to accept this inevitable fact, and when i know i'm ready to let go, then this intimate session will happen for one last time.
Jacob
Wednesday, 22 February 2012
Tradition
Judy and i, we both had a certain tradition to follow when it comes to certain things. We had not failed in doing it ever since we started being together.
Initially it started off being more of an excuse we created so that we could spend more time being together. When i say more time, i meant to include more intimate time as well. What tradition? Before i go on any trip, be it a vacation or a short out-of-town trip or a business trip, we will meet up the day before the trip. We'll take all chances we have to make love to each other of course but then not everytime we get to do that though. Spending quality time together just chatting are nice too.
Well, of course this time around we had a chance to get intimate. i'm going to skip talking about how great her skills are at fulfilling my throbbing hard cock with her soft lips and agile tongue. i'm going to talk about how can a guy are able to completely satisfy his partner by using nothing but his tongue.
i know that she loved it when i eat her out down south, but i've never knew i could hit her spot so continuously Judy reached orgasm twice, with me using nothing but my tongue. OK, i used my hands too but just to hold her legs apart and her hips down when her back arched up, and her thighs closed in onto my face. Definitely a thirst quencher for me being able to get her to that state.
Too busy this round to snap anything. i'll try to get something on our next date, which i doubt will be too far away.
Jacob
Initially it started off being more of an excuse we created so that we could spend more time being together. When i say more time, i meant to include more intimate time as well. What tradition? Before i go on any trip, be it a vacation or a short out-of-town trip or a business trip, we will meet up the day before the trip. We'll take all chances we have to make love to each other of course but then not everytime we get to do that though. Spending quality time together just chatting are nice too.
Well, of course this time around we had a chance to get intimate. i'm going to skip talking about how great her skills are at fulfilling my throbbing hard cock with her soft lips and agile tongue. i'm going to talk about how can a guy are able to completely satisfy his partner by using nothing but his tongue.
i know that she loved it when i eat her out down south, but i've never knew i could hit her spot so continuously Judy reached orgasm twice, with me using nothing but my tongue. OK, i used my hands too but just to hold her legs apart and her hips down when her back arched up, and her thighs closed in onto my face. Definitely a thirst quencher for me being able to get her to that state.
Too busy this round to snap anything. i'll try to get something on our next date, which i doubt will be too far away.
Jacob
Wednesday, 15 February 2012
February Intimacy
There had been several times between January & February where Judy & I had the chance to spend a lot of intimate time together. There had been several times during that period where i was having some problems with my wife as well. Judy gave me comfort during those times, although we didn't talked about it much. Maybe that is why i felt better.
I'm going to talk about our first fuck in February. It was broad daylight during the weekdays. We made plans to grab lunch together, but goodies for me i had more than lunch that afternoon. I left work way much earlier than i was supposed to, grab a quick lunch with Judy and checked into a nearby hotel for some time to be alone with her.
The whole love making session lasted only an hour, but it was an hour of pure ecstasy & lust. Clothes were quickly stripped off of our bodies, we were exchanging tongues and our hands are stroking each other at our most private part.
Judy was fast to grab my already hardened cock towards her soft lips. She worked her way deeper & deeper until i could feel the tip of my cock at the back of her throat, where she would then slowly glide back up and had her tongue twirl around the top.
Judy had always loved the way i lick her down there. i had mentioned this in almost all of the other post before today as well. We had a conversation the other day about this, and apparently there are guys out there who refuses to satisfy their partner by means of cunnilingus or crudely put, muff-diving. I personally think that this is one of the best way to start off an intimate love making session. The way i could tease her clits slowly or rapidly with my tongue. The way i could taste her juice dripping out from her vagina. This way when both of us is ready, the penetration would be well lubricated and sex would be most enjoyable.
We took the liberty of doing it in every positions we could imagine, since we are in the privacy of a nice hotel room. When i finally finished, i spread my love juice over her breast. It was dripping down so quickly, it was quite a mess.
Valentine's Day, we spent a short time together in the car, where i received a short but never short of ecstasy kind of blowjob. i couldn't finish up, some interruptions came through.i'm looking forward for next week, where we have plans to meet up again. Until then.
Jacob
I'm going to talk about our first fuck in February. It was broad daylight during the weekdays. We made plans to grab lunch together, but goodies for me i had more than lunch that afternoon. I left work way much earlier than i was supposed to, grab a quick lunch with Judy and checked into a nearby hotel for some time to be alone with her.
The whole love making session lasted only an hour, but it was an hour of pure ecstasy & lust. Clothes were quickly stripped off of our bodies, we were exchanging tongues and our hands are stroking each other at our most private part.
Judy was fast to grab my already hardened cock towards her soft lips. She worked her way deeper & deeper until i could feel the tip of my cock at the back of her throat, where she would then slowly glide back up and had her tongue twirl around the top.
Judy had always loved the way i lick her down there. i had mentioned this in almost all of the other post before today as well. We had a conversation the other day about this, and apparently there are guys out there who refuses to satisfy their partner by means of cunnilingus or crudely put, muff-diving. I personally think that this is one of the best way to start off an intimate love making session. The way i could tease her clits slowly or rapidly with my tongue. The way i could taste her juice dripping out from her vagina. This way when both of us is ready, the penetration would be well lubricated and sex would be most enjoyable.
We took the liberty of doing it in every positions we could imagine, since we are in the privacy of a nice hotel room. When i finally finished, i spread my love juice over her breast. It was dripping down so quickly, it was quite a mess.
Valentine's Day, we spent a short time together in the car, where i received a short but never short of ecstasy kind of blowjob. i couldn't finish up, some interruptions came through.i'm looking forward for next week, where we have plans to meet up again. Until then.
Jacob
Wednesday, 4 January 2012
The Last One of the Year
It was the best i've had since.....i can't remember when. Our love making session is not just about the sex, but also how intense it was for the both of us while we were at it. Prior to this time, there wasn't much chance for us to even meet up, what's more to have any passionate love making.
i had been looking forward for that meeting up for a long time. It was something special to us. A year ago around that date, we had sex for the first time ever. We got a hotel room, fuck like a bunny for 3 times that night, and left the next day wanting for more. Well, i'm not bragging about it but Judy was that good at what she does! There was once she made me cum 4 times in one afternoon. i'm serious she was that good.
We got back to our safe-house after dinner. We would usually chit-chat a little, kiss gently, and slowly built up the momentum to foreplay and penetration. But that night, once the door closes behind us, we were kissing passionately almost immediately, clothes were off as quickly as you can say OhMyGodI'mGoingToGetLuckyWithAHottieTonight.
She was already man-handling (or should i say lady-handling?) my hardened cock with her lips even before my pants came off. Every movement of her tongue, her fingers, her lips brought unexplainable ecstasy to me. i love it when it's my turn to lick her. Her reaction and moaning got me wanting more. The taste and the scent from her love nest makes me go on and on with the licking. The more i go, the wetter she got.
When my cock had finally found it's way to her love nest, she was very well lubricated by then, but still it was tight. Using a little force to push it in gives out a good moan. We started on the sofa with me on top, then doggie style, followed by cow-girl on the floor and finishes up with doggie style. It was a good 1.5 hours of passionate love making, which i am looking forward to do again tonight!
Chances to meet up are rare so i might as well take all the chances i get, right?
Jacob
i had been looking forward for that meeting up for a long time. It was something special to us. A year ago around that date, we had sex for the first time ever. We got a hotel room, fuck like a bunny for 3 times that night, and left the next day wanting for more. Well, i'm not bragging about it but Judy was that good at what she does! There was once she made me cum 4 times in one afternoon. i'm serious she was that good.
We got back to our safe-house after dinner. We would usually chit-chat a little, kiss gently, and slowly built up the momentum to foreplay and penetration. But that night, once the door closes behind us, we were kissing passionately almost immediately, clothes were off as quickly as you can say OhMyGodI'mGoingToGetLuckyWithAHottieTonight.
She was already man-handling (or should i say lady-handling?) my hardened cock with her lips even before my pants came off. Every movement of her tongue, her fingers, her lips brought unexplainable ecstasy to me. i love it when it's my turn to lick her. Her reaction and moaning got me wanting more. The taste and the scent from her love nest makes me go on and on with the licking. The more i go, the wetter she got.
When my cock had finally found it's way to her love nest, she was very well lubricated by then, but still it was tight. Using a little force to push it in gives out a good moan. We started on the sofa with me on top, then doggie style, followed by cow-girl on the floor and finishes up with doggie style. It was a good 1.5 hours of passionate love making, which i am looking forward to do again tonight!
Chances to meet up are rare so i might as well take all the chances i get, right?
Jacob
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