Monday, 26 March 2012

The Thin Red Line

Some people told me, there is a thin red line in between love and hate. i disagree for most part of it. The opposite of love must not necessarily be hate. It is definitely not something good of course, but to hate, i don't think so.

That thin red line should be separating the feeling of love, and the feeling of a stranger. If you swing to one extreme, and you can't hold on when you are there, you will swing all the way to the other extreme of becoming strangers with each other. You don't know what to talk to her. You get pissed off easily by the slightest disagreement. Slowly you drift apart from her. And both of you, once in love so deeply with each other, become strangers again.

i think this feeling is worst than hate. Hating someone, you still have a tinge of feeling towards that person. You're probably hating that person because of some misunderstanding. The feeling of becoming strangers. That's it! You're done for! There will be no relation whatsoever in between the two of you anymore. Period. The end.

You always say, this breakup i've never shed a tear. That means i'm not that sad. Maybe you are right. Maybe you're wrong. But i can tell you, it hurt like hell deep inside of me. It feels like someone is squeezing my heart with his bare hands so it can't pump normally. It feels like there's cotton balls in my lung so i can't breathe properly. It feels like nails in my stomach so it stings every time i move. It sure hurt like hell, what i'm feeling inside. But no, there are no tear drops from my eyes.


Tuesday, 20 March 2012

Emotionally Attached

The past two weeks, my mood swing was like a ride on a roller coaster, only not as fun and twice as dreadful. i could flare out for no apparent reason at someone who is completely innocent or i could sit there the whole day with my face pulled so long it might have touched the floor.

After the breakup, things did not get any better. Only 3 weeks after that, Judy told me she has a new boyfriend now. i was furious, my brain felt kind of like a volcanic eruption, and a huge tsunami wave come crashing into my cerebellum. i could literally feel the heat at the back of my head when she told me. This news didn't help at all with the break-up. Being alone for a couple of days, i would think is it because of this new guy she broke up with me? Or is she just playing me? Or did i do something wrong? Or is she hiding something from me?

The more i think, the more i got myself worked-up, the more terrifying my mood became. i had no one to talk to about this, i had no where i could go, i have no idea at all what i can do. i felt like i was at the verge of a nervous breakdown.

Yesterday we talked about all the stuffs we never talked about for the past one and a half years being together. We talked about my wife. We talked about her new boyfriend. We talked about us. What had been and what would be of us. Only after a month of mental torturing myself with all the nonsensical questions, finally i could open up myself and talked to Judy properly.

This morning when i woke up, day light seems to be brighter, the bird's chirping seems so melodious. No more volcanic eruption. No more huge tsunami wave. No more mental torture. No more stress. i'm really glad we had the talk last night, i really wish you happiness in your life from here now onwards, for you deserve the best things in life. Yes, it hurts me to know that someone else will be taking care of you instead in my place, and someone else will be putting that beautiful smile on your face everyday, but it hurts me more to know if you are not living your life in the happiest manner.

You told me you needed someone who can take care of you when you are in trouble, someone you can bring home to show mom, someone whom you can marry and depend on for the rest of your life, someone who will love you more than anything else in the world. i know i am not able to do that for you. Now that he will be able to do this, i wish you all the best in life. But remember this, i will always be there for you, be it rain or shine, i will always be there for you. Keep our promises, not to vanish completely in each others life.