Monday, 23 April 2012

A Sweet Good Night Kiss

i drove up to Judy's house after coming back from a drink with a friend. She got into my car and we drove around the blocks just chit-chatting. i missed her a lot over the weekends. i saw her pictures on Facebook, with the new boyfriend. Judy was absolutely beautiful. Her hair was perfect, her dress just look stunning on her.

All i wanted was to see her, and kiss her good night. Mission accomplished. The kiss was very sweet. So is my Judy, beautiful as ever with her hair tied up that night. She told me she was sorry to make me feel this way. i told her this is more than i could ask from her, with her having a boyfriend but us still very much involved.

After the kiss, Judy asked me, "Is this enough for you?"
"No, but this is all that i can ask for."

We hugged. i don't feel like letting go. i miss her scent. i miss her in my arms. i miss our lips touching. i miss her.


Wednesday, 18 April 2012

Making Out

Our relationship is weird now. We still meet each other almost everyday. We still kiss everytime we meet. Don't get me wrong, i love seeing her again, and i love kissing her sweet, soft lips.

It was just the other day, we met up for high-tea. We sat and chat for some time, and after getting the bill, both of us had the need to visit the washroom. It wasn't planned on, i really needed to pee. When i'm done, Judy too just finished her business. i have no idea why, i went into the ladies, close the door & lock it behind me. i walked up to Judy, grab her waist and pushed her to the wall. We started kissing each other. It was so passionate i almost fainted. My hands were grabbing her firm E-cup breast, while letting her know my cock was hard from this. I move the other hand into her shorts, and start fingering her spot the way she liked it.

The sad part is, that's it. Nothing happened afterwards. Neither of us got naked. We did not had sex. No eating each other out. Probably because we were in a public toilet, mind you a ladies toilet. But most probably because deep down inside i know that Judy wanted to be a good girlfriend. She is attached now. Again and again i have mentioned that i don't want to screw up her happiness, but times and times again i did compromising stuffs together with her.

Did i do wrong? Does enjoying the company of each other made us cheating on our spouse? Is it OK if we kissed, does that made us bad people?


Monday, 9 April 2012


i gave myself a time frame to get myself out from my pathetic state i was in for the past month or so. Yesterday was that day, and i am still adjusting myself. But i am glad that this day had finally came.

So what is different? i was practically moping over the fact that she is with someone else now. Someone who is more good looking. Someone who is more successful career wise. But most importantly, someone whom she can bring home to show her mom. Someone whom she can carry his name with. Someone who can gave her all the things she wanted that i could not. Every time i tried looking for her and she is with him, i would sulk, i would feel gloomy about it, i would dawdle around aimlessly, i would suddenly become this pathetic little fella which i, myself hate to see. Come this day, i have decided that i have to accept this fact. Why should i feel that way? If she is happy now, i should be too. Right?

What else is different? Nothing. Just that. Accepting the fact that she now has someone else and i should not bear grudge or hatred towards her. Instead i should feel happy for her, and wish her happiness. That is how much i love her. That is the least i could do, not to screw-up her happiness that is.

Does that mean i don't love her anymore? i can't stop loving her, well at least not for now. And if there is a next life, i would want her mine then too. But loving her at this moment also mean i should not screw things up with the new boyfriend. Got to stay some distance away. That may be best for the both of us. At least that will be the best for her.


Friday, 6 April 2012

Good Friday?

Friday night and i'm alone in my room, feeling lonely and pathetic over myself. Am i really that bad? Don't i have friends i can find? Why am i being alone by myself tonight? What's wrong with me?

All sorts of crazy questions come to mind when you are down. I mean i'm almost rock-bottom down since the break-up, so i've been thinking lots of crazy shit for a couple weeks now. Emotional swing is the most prominent proof that i am not OK at all.

It's sad that this blog had become a place for me to vent out my frustration. This place was supposed to be a place to record all those good memories i had with Judy. And now what had it become? A pathetic emo blog. Maybe i should stop doing this. Maybe i should stay away. Maybe i should just let go. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

Oh, how my heart longed for your comfort, how my body longed for your warmth, how my lips longed for your kiss. All too late now. Got to let do.


Monday, 2 April 2012

I'm the April's Fool

It's been a month since our breakup. It's been a most painful month. A month where i have to constantly wear a mask wherever i go to hide my despair, so that no one will ever know that i am hurting deep down inside, so that no one will find out the story of this forbidden love. i have got no one to talk to, i have got no one to share this feeling with. That's why i'm writing a post here, at least i know my head will not explode from over-thinking this problem.

It's been a month since our breakup. Which also means it's been a  month since you're with him. Everytime this comes into picture, i lost all ability to think. My mind went blank for a moment, my vision blurred, my hands trembled, my heart went pounding. It feels almost like time went by too fast and i can't cope with it. All these feeling i cannot control over, but that doesn't mean i don't wish you happiness. i am truly happy that you have found your real happiness in a relationship. You have finally found someone who has a good career, who is quite good looking, someone everyone says is a good guy, someone you can bring home and show your mom, someone you can go out with and can be seen in public and introduced as your boyfriend. This is all what you wanted, so i'm truly happy for you to have own all these now.

It's been a month since our breakup. i'm not a better person as you would expect me to be. My temper flared more often, my patience level dropped drastically, i'm not as happy as i used to be, everything i see turns into a negative thing even though it is a happy scenario. But this is none of your business anymore. You can't do anything about it. In fact i don't want you to do anything about it. You have your own life now, so stick with it. i don't want to be the reason that screw up your happiness again.